On going back to a place

There is a novel by Thomas Wolfe called You Can't Go Home. No, I've never read it, even though I probably should, but I'll add it to the list. The title of this book is often bandied about, but what does it truly mean. For me home is a very nebulous place. All of the spaces of my childhood are gone, lost in the divorce, or sold. There are even homes of friends that I grew up in as a child that I would be welcome in, but it isn't the same as when I would bang through the door as a teenager and immediately feel as if I belonged. This phrase has reverberated through my mind because I went to visit friends in Madison, Wisconsin this weekend. Now don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful time and would go back in a heartbeat, but certain things were different. My memories of Madison involve traipsing out the door on a cool morning with a strong breeze at my back that would blow up from the lake. I'd walk down the hill past the house that always had shoes on the lawn (they were always different shoes to, which really freaked me out), and on to Sophie's. The scent of baked goods would meet me halfway there and I'd open the door to a blast of warmth and sound. I'd queue up to buy some blueberry muffins (the best I might add) and bring them home. The rest of the household would stir and gladly crawl out of bed for muffins. There would be mugs of coffee all around and that first bite into a fresh fresh blueberry muffin. Bliss.

Madison was a place for me to heal. My friend and I had a beautiful apartment and we could walk to the farmers market on Saturdays. It was hard though because it was a time of change for our relationship and I wasn't ready yet for change. It was also difficult because S lived in Indiana and was on the road a lot moving furniture. Plus he was really bad about calling. I was at a job that wasn't going to go anywhere and I really wanted to go back to school. I took some classes at the community college that I adored. I don't know how I ended up with two such amazing teachers. I think it is because of them I knew I had to go back to school so I could teach. The University of Wisconsin rejected my application. I appealed and even explained why my grades fell so badly at NIU, but they didn't want me. Everything worked out because I came to Chicago, my home, and did amazingly well in school. But I still miss many things in Wisconsin, especially my friends.

This post has gone on a bit and I will share the fun I had another day. But if you find yourself in Madison seek out Sophie's. You'll have to get there first thing in the morning because those muffins go fast, but they are worth it.