anxious wrapped in anxiety

It was a good thing that I had plans Friday night to go see a reading of chick-lit authors (god I hate that term) at the Book Cellar. I need to point out that who ever thought to mix books and booze is f'in brilliant. I texted the boy something light and fluffy Friday afternoon to the effect of 'what black hole have you fallen into'. As I was waiting for my friend he called. It was a completely awkward conversation and finally I just said, "Are we done here?" and his stunning response was, "Um, yeah". So I said thanks for calling and hung up the phone. Not only did I get dumped I had to ask if I was dumped. Witty women authors and a glass of wine later and I felt, well, pretty good. A little miffed, but still pretty ok. I took a running leap and I had a lot of fun. I did make the decision to pull my profiles and take a break from online dating. I'm going to try it the old fashioned way for awhile and see if I can meet someone in the real world.

I then had to head out to the suburbs Saturday afternoon, cue anxiety, for a high school reunion cocktail party in Aurora. No pressure there. I could not figure out what to wear. I must have changed my clothes 10 times, which is really not like me. Finally I settled on jeans and a black dress shirt. I layered on the jewelry and a scarf. Except for the bracelets that I had bought for myself in London, all of my other accessories were gifts. I was wearing a ring from Afghanistan given to me by my old office mate, another (gently used) ring that Sheska gave me, my scarf was a gift from the staff in Iraq, my necklace was a graduation gift from Ashley, and my locket was a gift from my aunt, but more precious was the drawing inside done by my friend Mikey. I felt like I was wrapped up in protective amulets. It was apparent to me that I was blessed to have so many amazing people in my life.

The party itself ended up being fun. I really did not feel the need to impress anyone and I was just my usual charming, slightly caustic, self. What was really telling was how little I remembered. We were all gathered around the table and anytime someone told a story I would find myself looking to Wendy. Half the time she had to fill in the details for me or jog my memory. She told everyone that I had blocked out high school. She's right. It was not so much that walking the halls of high school were so bad, but it was everything else that was happening at that time that was. It is kind of nice to be able to pick up those memories again and give them a little shake. Some are bittersweet, but some I'm grateful to have back. It was nice to spend an evening making new memories.