Last week was great, Monday off for Labor day and I left early on Friday because my mom and grandparents were coming to visit and do some shopping. I take them to Pearl on Chicago avenue when they come because my grandfather collects old Sears catalogues and needs archival boxes or paper to wrap them in. My grandfather's newest hobby is old time radios and we went to a radio store on Montrose and Ashland that was supposed to fix old time radios but they didn't have any parts, or radios for sale and the owner didn't seem to be too excited at the prospect of fixing an older radio. We went to dinner at Silver Cloud on Damen and sat outside and it was a beautiful evening. We also swung by and picked up my sewing machine, which has been cleaned up and runs better then ever. The machine is from the early 70's and it is a Singer Fashion Mate 360 and it was my moms. I borrowed it. She had to go buy herself another machine!
The weekend was a bit difficult because I had missed a couple of days of my birth control pills about 3 weeks prior and then last week had a nonexistent period. It turns out that I wasn't pregnant, but I'm not sure if that is what I wanted or not. I told S Saturday morning and he was perfectly calm and supportive througout the whole day. I managed to keep myself together until Saturday afternoon when we had to go to a memorial service for a friend of his familys. I had a panic attack at the gathering afterwards. Nothing like sitting outside trying to make small talk while you start crying for no apparent reason.
The memorial service in the morning was very lovely and was held on Lake Michigan. About 20 boats sailed out from Hammond marina to one of the way marks for the Wednesday night beer can races. The only down side was the service was held outside of the breakwall and the winds were from the North which made for big waves. All of the other boats were about 30 feet long, or bigger, and S's boat is a 24 foot J boat. It is great for racing, but not motoring out to a memorial site. We did have to put up the sail simply because the boat can not handle motoring in such big swells. I got a bit queasy, which rarely happens.
There is a lot of emotion surrounding a pregnancy test and I am sure that there have been other women who have found themselves wandering the aisles of Walgreens trying to find a pregnancy test, but while I've taken one before, there was always a very clear outcome desired. Not this time. I love the fact that I am wandering the aisles chanting under my breath "pregnancy test- pregnancy test" and then find them right next to the condoms. Is someone trying to say something. Then I have a pregnancy test in my hand, but I can't just go up to the counter with only that. So, I picked up a copy of O. Oprah and pregnancy test buying makes perfect sense to me. I wait in the check out line while the two twenty-something boys in front of me have a conversation that involved the words dude, like, party, cool, and see yuh. If there were any other words they were unintelligible. I pay and dash out the door to S waiting in the parking lot. While weaving my way around the man dancing by the door (to the beat of his own drum if I may say) I look at the coupon that was printed with my receipt and it says "Ensure Healthy Mom". Um hello, not quite there yet.
My mom had me when she was very young and I am grateful that she had the courage to choose me. I think since she had me so young as I grew up it was drummed into me to not get pregnant. Now the idea of getting pregnant is very scary and somewhat foreign. After I found out the test results I laid down with S on the couch and got his shirt wet. I wailed about being so afraid and he pointed out that when I'm not afraid then I'll be ready.
Sunday was spent on the couch watching episodes of Lost, Coupling and a very good movie called Dear, Wendy. I know I shouldn't watch all of the Lost episodes at once, but I can't help it- I need to know. I'm still at the beginning of Season Two and hope to maybe catch up to be able to watch Season Three when it starts up on TV.
I start class tonight and it is another teaching class so wish me luck.
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