Over the last couple of weeks I have come to realize that I have changed in some ways (but not so much in others!). A friend said to me that I was so outgoing and friendly and I wasn't sure who she was talking about- me duh. I was talking about this with another friend who pointed out that I couldn't do the job I do if I couldn't deal with people. Plus my last review I rated myself average on communication and my boss completely disagreed and gave me an above average. If I look back ten years the change is drastic (I am sure there are some people who can attest to that). If I look back five years, yeah I can see a big change if I really stop and think about it. Heck even two years there is a difference. I think I still saw myself as the very shy, naive (well maybe still naive), dull girl, who was unable to interact with people and had a wall no one would find me worth climbing over. Instead of forcing others to climb that wall I took it down brick by bloody brick. There are still a few that I trip over now and then but all in all it is nice to be able to see the view.
On the other hand there are still some neurosis that rear their ugly head but I'm working on them. I still get snappy at people when I'm frustrated or emotionally stunted (but thankfully I have friends who let me know ;)). I still have some co-dependent issues. I still have problems with food. I still beat myself up a little too hard. All in all though I think those are things that I can live with today and promise myself to try harder in the future.
The boy caused me to have a mini-meltdown last night. I got mad at myself because I let him have the power. I chose to let it be and ate some frosting (I did throw away the rest of the powdered sugar this morning), and texted him that we needed to talk. Supposedly we will have a phone discussion tonight in which I will tell him his behavior yesterday was unacceptable. At least he did take half of his stuff with him and said the other half will be gone in a couple of weeks. I let it carry over to today and was feeling painfully vulnerable. Then I saw someone this morning who said good morning and things got just a bit brighter.
I am also staying late at work because of my co-dependent tendencies but I sent an email to my boss regarding the situation. In the past I would have martyred myself fully. This time I only did it a wee bit!
2 comments:
Did you have the talk last night? I remember the shy girl, and occasionally the snappish girl too. Don't beat yourself up though, there are way too many other things to do...like SEW!
It has been SO nice to catch up on your life and everything else!! I checked your blog a while back when you had just started posting again, but didn't have the time to really read it. Scary to think that was back in May, where did June and almost July go!?
Anyway, I can't tell you how much I miss you and think of you and want you to know that you are the strongest person I know! Hang in there with everything... tough times for sure but the light is shining just around the corner.
More soon from me, I promise... xo
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