Untitled

My grandfather came to the university of Chicago hospital for some tests on Monday related to a drug trial he was going to participate in. He came back Tuesday and was hospitalized because he was weak, dizzy and nauseous. Cut to Thursday night when I first find out that he was in the hospital. My family failed to tell me. I came to visit him on Friday and again on Saturday. The nursing staff here has not been good and so my mom has been staying. I offered to stay Saturday night to give her a break. This whole week he has been feeling very sick and he has been on many types of pain medication. The cancer is now in his prostrate, his spinal column, shoulder, legs, hip, and liver. He has been barely conscious all week. Yet every time you talk to him or ask him to do something he does so and still with courtousy. Even while sick he doesn't complain or take it out on anyone. The other day he told the doctor he was feeling crappy and I think that was the worst word I have ever heard him use. Today we noticed he was rambling and changed his pain medication and the anti-anxiety medication he was on in hopes of giving him a chance to come around. At times tonight he has known who I am and even joked with me that everyone left me here with him. At times he will start to try to get up and when I come to help and ask him to lie back he tells me he has dropped a screw. At one point he asked me to get him scissors. He will talk about things and I cannot follow his train of thought. I have been trying to keep him comfortable and calm. I was doing fine until he asked me to check on the water pressure. My grandparents house has this big water tank that needs to be kept at a certain level and it is his job. For him to be worried about something so mundane broke my heart. In fact tonight listening to him talk is probably the most he has ever said to me at one time an who knows who he thinks he is talkin to. Right now my focus has narrowed and everything is centered around his needs. I just have not has the energy to write or call. Right now plans are going to need to e put on hold and for right now it is just day by day.