I have to recognize that I am trying. I am trying to step outside, sometimes far outside, my comfort zone. I have to allow that sometimes I will not be a radiant conversationalist, or even talk to anyone. Last night as I was walking to the Newberry Library from the red line, a path my feet just knew, I was thinking about identity. Specifically, who am I when I go to the Newberry, am I the business manager, entrepreneur, crafty minx, lover of poetry, English master, public service master want-to-be or lover of renaissance culture. Walking up the steps I remembered when I spent close to ten hours a week studying there. I was immersed in the cult of Queen Elizabeth I and the culture of that time. I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with ex-boy, going to school full-time and designing databases on the side. I had the luxury of focusing utterly and completely on school.
Last night walking into the Newberry I felt such a sense of belonging and yet, something held me back. The lecture was brilliant and I'm very glad I went, but then I bolted. There were people mingling and talking, but they were people who had their own people. I know there is a way to make a connection with someone, but I am not good at it. I'll add 'yet' to that sentence. I know there is a way to make a connection with someone, but I am not good at it, yet. For now I am going to be proud of myself for just showing up. Next time maybe I'll at least smile at a stranger.
Done:
Pick up developed film and get new film. This first batch of pictures taught me a few things about my little camera. There are about three photos that are worth saving and maybe even framing. I'm excited to get out there and take more pictures.
Go to Newberry Library lecture.
Do Pilates (even though I was hungry and tired).
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