I think before I talk about my experience today I have to give a reference point. Oh, wait, I have none. I have never belonged to a church. I've gone to church a couple of times, usually for weddings or funerals. I have been to a few weddings that I sat through screaming in my head because I hated the message about women's role in marriage. It was contrary to every fiber of my being as an independent women (I should adopt Kelly Clarkson's Miss Independent as my theme song!). I went to Sunday school because it was free babysitting. All I remember about that experience was doing is a cross stitch of a Lutheran cross. Oh, and the guy that ran that church also married my parents and then we found out he was a pedophile. Wendy dragged me to her Catholic church a couple of times. Once she tried to get me to take communion, but I was never baptized and I was afraid I would go to hell. What impression did I have of God that I feared hell so badly. I also tried to read the bible (purely for literary reasons) and could not even fathom what was being said. Let's just say I do not subscribe to creationism.
Throughout college I hung out with a bunch of intellectuals who believed God was dead. If they had to say who they believed in it was probably Nietzsche. If I was forced to identify my faith I would say I was agnostic. I believe there is something out there, but I would not say it was God. I envy my friends who have faith. I also know that some friends have had a hard time with 'the church', because it is not accepting of their loved ones who happened to be gay. Through al anon and group therapy I have come to accept there is a higher power. At times I try to surrender myself to this higher power and believe that there is someone out there keeping an eye on things. I struggle with that often because I like to be in control.
I went to church this morning for the first time in my life for myself. I did go with a friend, but I went because I wanted to learn more. It was the Wellington Avenue United Church of Christ, which truly means nothing to me as far as what religious denomination it is. I went because a dear man got married there and the church intrigued me. I went to learn more and because at times I feel a spiritual hunger.
Nothing could have prepared me for today's experience. First off, it is a very inclusive and racially diverse church. We prayed to the "Divine Mother and Divine Father". We sang hymns. We paid homage to Dr. Martin Luther King and the first African-American minister of the Wellington church. People spoke from their hearts with honesty, devotion and love. I was overwhelmed at times. My experience in the past has been that you turn and greet your neighbor and say "peace be with you". The pastor asked us to greet each other with "You are somebody and you are a beautiful child of God". That is what we did, but not only that but people hugged me and meant what they said. People spilled out in the aisles and walked around hugging and greeting people. They had to ring a bell to return order.
I was very moved by today's experience and grateful that I went. The people at this church not only have a strong faith, but also a strong belief in social justice. I felt truly welcomed by the members of the congregation. I got to sing, which always makes me happy. I think I would like to go back.
I was on the phone last night with Kristi and I mentioned that I was planning on going to church on Sunday. Screeching halt to conversation and a shocked "what?" Kris comes over for dinner and I told her that I went to church and the look on her face was precious. It is odd, very odd for me to go to church. Except, it is a part of my plan to take different opportunities to meet new people.
It makes perfect sense to me that I could worship equally at the alter of whiskey or god. Either one satisfies a certain hunger.
Done
Clean inside and outside of kitchen buffet.
Wash kitchen curtains, iron and hang them back up. Sure I could have washed them, but it doesn't do me any good if they don't go back up.
Wash kitchen windows.
Bake pumpkin seed muffins (really yummy).
Organize recipes (hence pumpkin seed muffins).
Go to church.
Do pilates.
Finish readings for class this week.
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