Fettucine Alfredo

I had another non-date date. We were talking about getting a present for our boss and without saying it we somehow were doing it that night. I sat at the other desk in his office and rested my head on my arm while he finished some other things up. I practically fell asleep and it was the firs time all week that my brain wasn't racing and I felt at peace. While we were supposed to go get an Xmas present for our boss, we had to take a detour to a record store first. As we were walking there I asked if we had to walk straight into the biting wind and so he took us on a circuitous route so we had a break from the wind. My ex-boy used to take the wind direction into account when we were walking downtown to keep us out of the wind. There are some little things you take for granted. It is kind of like how men are supposed to walk on the outside of the sidewalk and the woman is supposed to walk on the inside so she doesn't get splashed. Or am I the only one who thinks of these things. Kindis used to always tuck me on the inside side.

We wandered through the record store and I did some half-hearted looking and I did find an album I once had but lost and bought it. He bought a pile of movies. I had told him before we set out that I did have to be fed at some point in the night because I get cranky. We walk out of the record store and talked about finding somewhere to eat but I told him we had to get the present first before the store closed. He didn't realize it was so late and I told him it was because he had stepped into the record store time warp. I was kind of quiet and he noticed and asked if I was ok. I told him I was hungry. I should be grateful little miss cranky pants didn't show up. We stopped first to get a gift and then walked over to Paisano's.

We got a drink at the bar and I felt myself relax even more. We then are seated at a cosy little table for two and I was thinking about the scene from Lady and the Tramp at the Italian restaurant. I didn't say anything though. All through dinner we talked about life, family, comic books (and my fear of comic book stores) and even after dinner was over and the plates were cleared we kept talking. He paid for dinner and told me since I wouldn't tell him what I wanted for Christmas he could at least buy me dinner. I protested and finally said, that wasn't very gracious of me, thank you. I told him I was envious of his family because he gets such joy out of finding gifts for his nephews and nieces. At that point I started choking up and gathered up my stuff to go. We headed toward the train station and at the red line he patted me on the back and thanked me for being so patient and waiting for him at work. He said he was amazed I never told him to hurry up or yell at him to go. I told him once again it was nice to have some down time.

I got on the train and the tears were welling up. Thankfully Kristi answered the phone and we could talk about grieving the loss of family. The last time I was single for Christmas was after Kindis and I had broken up and my father was no longer a part of my family. It brought up all of those old feelings of loss. I told her too that trying to deal with men was hard and she pointed out that I was doing it. I was trying to figure out how to be friends with a man. Regardless of what happens I will be grateful to have a friend in my life. I don't trust easily and I don't let people in, and yet, I've let him in.