false bravado

It is 7:30 and I am supposed to be going to a party that starts at 9. There will be some people from work there, probably, but I'm not 100% certain. This is the annual party that flirty boy invites everyone from work to. I want to go, especially since flirty boy did put Punk Rock Girl on the play list, but not Candy by Iggy Pop. That is the best candy song of all time as far as I'm concerned. Anyways, I know that once I get there I'll be able to get over that first nervous flutter of feeling overwhelmed, not knowing anyone and making awkward chit-chat. I'm also sure that a shot of tequila would help that. It is just I keep trying to put myself out there and not getting much in return. I'm not saying I expected to be married by now, but yeesh each time I try to talk to a guy I either get no response, some snide comment or they are gay.

I wanted to be able to come here and recount my story from last night with a witty spin, but I guess it has wobbled me a bit. So, excuse my pity party for a moment. I know I do not fit the ideal as far as beauty goes, but I think I'm kind of pretty. I just feel like every time I try to talk to a guy (something I'm still trying to even get used to doing) that I'm dirt.

Last night I had a wonderful time at a bar with a group of friends and many people whom I did not know. I tried to talk to different groups instead of staying in my comfort zone. I noticed my friend talking to a guy and I could tell she was explaining who we all were. I leaned over and jokingly asked what she was telling him about me and she introduced us and after a bit left us talking. We were talking about the international programs I deal with and he asked where we do work. I could not for the life of me remember what Mexico was called. Complete and utter blank in my mind and finally I stuttered out South America and the Middle East and then I added the bit about Mexico. He made a comment that Mexico wasn't South America and I just tried to laugh it off. He then proceeded to tell a story about some high priced lawyer from one of the well-known firms (I even recognized the name) who said he was going on vacation in Mexico, South America. The guy I was talking to basically implied the lawyer was an idiot and he couldn't believe he was able to charge $300 an hour for his time. Well, gee thanks for subtly calling me an idiot. I pretty much walked away and laughed about my idiocy with some other friends. I know Mexico is not in South America, but I just couldn't remember the name.

Normally I would try and shake this off but it has just lingered with me and I'm worried it is going to color this evening. I'm also a bit off because I went and got my picture taken by a very talented friend who thankfully understood how difficult it was for me to have my picture taken, let alone have to look at the results. The picture turned out very well and I just posted it to okcupid even though I really didn't want to. Not because the picture was bad, but because it was a picture of me. Thank goodness my friends girlfriend left me a to do list. How am I ever going to date if a guy asks me a simple question and I can't remember the name of something like Mexico. Um, hello, Mexico is pretty big! Maybe I have a brain tumor. Not that I want a brain tumor, but then I could at least not have to go to this party tonight.

I'm going to go watch an episode of Dr. Who and then get dressed. Wish me luck.

Carey thanks for the comments, they were really helpful. I have more to be edited later.