It hurts

Today I am in pain. My arm muscles do not like to lift heavy things and contort themselves into odd positions in order to create more pain. Luckily my legs don't hurt. Except for my bad leg, but that is because I think it is supposed to rain. Look at me, I'm the village weather vane.

The last couple of times I have tried to have some special me time I ended up bursting into tears. Nothing says ecstasy like crying. A certain someone thinks that it is because I have deep repressed issues. Yes, I do share this with everyone! Probably, but they can stay where they are. Today I could not make it to the gym because I had to do homework and I decided to relieve some stress and take a little break when I got home. I had a little fun and waited for the tears to, no pun intended, come, and thankfully I just got to enjoy bliss. I hope this means I'm done working through all of those issues. No comment necessary.

I also have to point out that I hate group projects. I wish someone would step up and be the leader because this laissez-faire everyone can just share their feelings nonsense is not working. I think I feel out of my element in this class because I do not know the language. I do not know the answers and that is hard for me. That feeling is echoed at work right now because I do not know what the plan of action is. I am supposed to just sit and wait. I'm not allowed to have plan a, let alone plan b (which is always percolating away in the back of my head) and typically I'm on to developing plan c even as plan a unfolds. I do not know how to handle this situation but I do know that I am definitely having some feelings around this. Stepping back and looking at it through the lens that my class is trying to provide, I recognize my part in it. That just feels icky. I have always tried to stay out of politics, but I am realizing that is impossible. As much as I can say there are three sides to every story, I have a side I pick. I do have loyalties. Except, if someone is doing or saying something dumb, I don't just fall in line. I respectfully tell them they are being an idiot. Things are continuously changing for me at work and I feel as if someone has thrown down the gauntlet. Now I'm waiting for it to be picked up. I just hope I'm not one of the poor yeoman that get sacrificed on someones climb to the top.