men

I was supposed to go to pilates on Monday. I didn't go. Then I could have made that up on Tuesday. I didn't go. Over the weekend, due to festivities, I gained two pounds. I've worked too hard for two pounds to creep their little way back on. Last night I decided I'm going to the gym. So, I am standing on the platform waiting for a brown line train and I decide to check and see if anyone called. There was a message from ex-boy basically saying 'yeah, my dad mailed a check to you even though he knows where I live so you can rip it up when you get it'. No hi, how are you, bye. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Oh, kind of like what he gave me in the relationship. I don't know why I would expect anything different today. At least he was proactive about the situation. That just put me in a mood. Then I was in a mood because I let that get to me. I decided it would probably be a good night to jog.

I get on the train and I love the brown line in the city. You get to meander through the buildings and travelling over the river is always a joy. I get to the gym and I'm in the locker room changing when I realize I have no sports bra. I cinch my red plunge bra a bit tighter and decide I am not jogging. I did manage to do the hill program at level 12 on the treadmill. I was going to lift weights but I headed towards the weight machines and immediately turned around and headed to the elliptical machine. The whole area was filled with men just sitting on machines. Since I only know how to use a couple of the machines my chances of getting anything done were zilch. The elliptical can be a bit, uh, bouncy, so I put the level really high and went slow. I decided to stretch and what not at home because any bending over and my boobs were going to fall out of the bra.

I shed the two pounds (again) and to date I've lost 65 pounds. I've been there for about 3 weeks but that's ok. I went back and looked at some old blog posts and I've realized that I've lost 65 pounds. That's a pretty big accomplishment. I do not feel petite by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel like it is ok for me to exist. That is kind of frightening to think about. 65 pounds ago I truly did not feel like I existed. I felt ashamed if a car had to wait while I crossed the street and I imagined they were commenting about my fat bum. Today I still get a bit anxious at the gym, but not nearly as much. I do not feel like I take up more then my fair share of a bus seat. All of those little daily things that caused so much teeth grinding are now severely reduced. I feel so much stronger physically. I feel as if a, literally, crushing weight is off my chest. Looking back made me see that I can do this and if sometimes I slow down, that's ok. I'll ramp up the effort and take a second look at what I'm eating and I'll get moving again. Today I feel pretty good.

Pat- I read the trib article, after you pointed it out, are those guys single? I think I'm in love!
Dan- to recap...MK was Kindis' friend. I knew him through high school and college and lost track with him after he graduated. The night I got drunk and some guy clucked at like a chicken I went online to classmates and unwittingly made contact. We've been having a couple of email exchanges and im chats since. I'll keep you posted. Good luck on the half marathon.