fate, kismet, or whatever you call it

We were talking tonight over dinner about the powers that be. Those divine powers in Angel (yes, the TV series) who sometimes helped, but more often then not seemed to cause more harm. I went and had a facial today. Before my facial I always pick two stones out of a bag of about 10 stones and I also pick a tarot card from the deck. I have been seeing this woman once every six weeks for close to three years now and today, for the first time, I picked the soul mate stone. Most normal people would probably think this is a good thing, but me, no, I have to question it. Actually, first I have to freak out a little bit about it and then I have to question it. I usually meditate on the stones I pick (the other was ray of light, which I have picked before), but today it was hard to concentrate on meditating because I was too concerned with the meaning. My tarot card meant that I was going to reap happiness. Maybe I've finally done enough sowing that I can reap something.

I've had a couple of instant messages from MK. One exchange he mentioned this was like a dream. When I asked him what he meant by that he said it was surreal because I was such an important part of his life years ago. I was like a sister. Huh, a sister, seriously. Then a couple days later, he sends me a message saying he was thinking about me. I was thinking about him too because I realized I didn't know how he took his coffee. Or, if he even drank coffee. If he doesn't drink coffee I don't know if we can be friends. How do you trust a person who doesn't drink coffee? Anyways, I know how most of my friends take their coffee. Not all, but most. I also know there are some of you who don't drink coffee, but prefer tea, or even soda (and I love you even though I think you are freaks). There are so many little day to day details that create a composite whole and I don't know what his details are. Yet I am inexorably drawn to this person.

I expect life to be hard. I typically expect to be disappointed. What if it was really that simple? What if I've let myself be open to the possibilities and for once the possibility is right there? The cynical part, or should I say the rational part, snorts, and continues to update her match profile.